Please NO Feed, Wake, Sleep Schedules
Let’s talk about normal baby sleep. Babies have a 24 hour circadian rhythm just like adults. However, when they are born, they often have their days and nights swapped. The reason for this is that babies are often lulled to sleep during the day by moms constant moving, while at night when mom is (attempting) to rest the baby is very active. There are many gentle ways to coax your baby along to taking his/her long(ish) sleep during the night when we want to rest (see my article on Getting More Sleep).
First, I would like to address the backwards, against human biology idea of the feed, wake, sleep approach to babies. To start, mammals are meant to eat frequent, small meals that they metabolize quickly. While cows are intended to grow big bodies and smaller brains, humans are intended to grow leaner bodies and big brains. Therefore, the protein in human milk is the exact size to accomplish this goal. Restricting babies’ feedings is against our intended design and downright cruel. This drives babies to eat Thanksgiving size meals as opposed to the small, frequent meals they were meant to have. This approach could lead to several consequences including stomach distress, reflux, pain, and bloating. In addition, babies eat for several reasons in addition to caloric value. Babies feed to bond, develop a secure attachment with his/her caregiver, and feel safe in a world much bigger, louder, and scarier than that of the protective womb. We need to dial in to our baby’s needs, not away.
How we as a culture got off the mark has to do with any trend in any area…follow the money. Many people are making money by promoting these backwards ideas. Can you tell I feel strongly about it? I am not mincing words so that you know how much passion I have for this topic and how much I care. I am invested in the thriving of not only your baby, but you as a parent, and your family as a whole. Breastfeeding will often fail with these types of schedules, as they are not meant for mammals. If breastfeeding is set up to fail who benefits? I can think of several industries. In addition, there are many people out there who tout success with this or that new routine to rope in tired, vulnerable moms. I cannot think of a population more easily targeted by the latest and greatest ‘method’ for sleep. I remember growing up with commercials for the newest toys. The commercials were not put on adult programming (the ones who actually bought the toys). They were put on children’s programming. Children were vulnerable and easily manipulated by the latest shiny toy. Unfortunately, bigger picture view is that it was never as great as it appeared, and it never led to contentment.
Back to babies. If your baby is hungry, but knows food is not coming. Or, scared alone in a dark room, but knows no caregiver is coming. Their silence is learned. In psychology we call this learned helplessness. This does not mean your baby is not distressed. It means your baby has learned that his/her needs will not be met; therefore, there is no point in expending energy to protest. This silence does not mean there are no long-term consequences, primarily in regards to attachment. Babies and toddlers will control what they can and not what they can’t.
An infant’s biology is designed to feed/suckle upon waking, have alert awake time, feed/suckle once again, and then sleep. In fact, breastmilk contains properties that promote sleep. It is much harder to get a baby to sleep after playing than it is after feeding. Suckling slows everything down and puts your baby in a state of relaxation and comfort. Why mess with this beautiful biology. It is incredible how we were designed. Everything has a function. Nothing is to waste. If we follow the natural biology, we will find the answers.
Parenting is much easier and creates much less stress and anxiety in both the baby and the parents if we follow natural instincts and not a fad.
I have had many calls from parents in deep regret over getting in power struggles with their babies when it comes to feeding and sleep. They are desperate to “undo” it. We work to secure the bond. Babies really only need a few things to feel secure in a big world.
I do not want you to go through regret or detach. I am writing this article to preempt your remorse. To set you and your baby up for the most success. I have had many parents tell me that their babies rarely cry if they follow their natural biology. Ultimately, you don’t really need me. You have your maternal instinct. However, you may find me useful to help dispel pop culture and reassure you that your ‘gut’ is correct. You and your baby will thank YOU later. I am here to be your educated voice. To give you tools for your toolbox. I want you to have more sleep! I want you to leave the house and have a full life! There are many natural strategies that many cultures throughout the world have been using since the beginning. I want to empower you with them.
In many cultures they look to older generations to learn the tools of the ‘parenting’ trade. However, they are difficult to find in Western culture. Please read my blog on ‘Getting More Sleep’ to start using some of these tips. My goal is for you to love being a parent! I want you to fall in love with your baby, your baby to fall in love with you, and for you to want this experience to slow down instead of speed up. I want you to look back on this time with warm feelings. Parenting is not perfect. Parents are not perfect. Babies are not perfect. However, the hardships can feel much more manageable and rewarding if the bond is secure.